OK SO EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT GLASGOW YOU WILL KNOW FROM THIS STATUE
THIS MY FRIENDS IS THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON STATUE IN ROYAL EXCHANGE SQUARE IN GLASGOW AND YES HE HAS A TRAFFIC CONE ON HIS HEAD
NOW LET ME TELL YOU I HAVE LIVED IN GLASGOW FOR 18 AND A HALF YEARS AND NOT ONCE HAVE I SEEN THIS MAN WITHOUT A CONE ON HIS HEAD
IT HAS BEEN REMOVED SO MANY TIMES BY THE COUNCIL BUT SOMEHOW IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO GET BACK UP THERE AND ITS NOT A SMALL STATUE ITS PRETTY FUCKING BIG SO WHOEVER KEEPS ON PUTTING UP THERE IS A DETERMINED WEE FUCKER
IT HAS BECOME A NATIONAL SYMBOL FOR GLASGOW CAUSE ITS JUST THE EPITOME OF GLASWEGIAN HUMOUR AND THEY EVEN PAINTED THE CONE FUCKING GOLD FOR THE OLYMPICS
AND A FEW MONTHS AGO THE COUNCIL SAID THEY WERE GOING TO RAISE UP THE STATUE SO PEOPLE COULDNT PUT THE CONE ON AND LET ME TELL YOU IT WAS FUCKING PANDAEMONIUM ABOUT GLASGOW IT WAS AS IF WORLD WAR THREE HAD BROKEN OUT THERE WERE FACEBOOK PAGES AND PROTESTS AND PETITIONS AND ALL SORTS TO KEEP THE CONE ON
SO LONG AND SHORT OF IT IS THAT THIS STUPID STATUE AND ITS STUPID CONE IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SCOTS IN PARTICULAR GLASWEGIANS CAUSE WE CANT DECIDE WHETHER WE WANT TO RULE OUR OWN COUNTRY OR NOT BUT IF YOU FUCKING DARE TRY TO TAKE THE CONE OFF THE DUKE OF WELLINGTONS HEAD THERE WILL BE A NATION WIDE OUTRAGE AND GLASGOWS OWN VERSION OF LES MIS WILL HAPPEN I AINT FUCKING KIDDIN
so in LOTR’s appendices it says that legolas eventually builds a boat and takes gimli across the seas and into the west, the gray havens. you know, the place arwen isn’t allowed to go because she’s in love with a human dude bUT LEGOLAS (AKA ‘YOU LITTLE SHIT’) JUST SAYS “FUCK IT” AND SNEAKS GIMLI INTO THE GODDAMN UNDYING LANDS LIKE CONTRABAND TWIZZLERS INTO A MOVIE THEATER
"Previously, researchers had misidentified skeletons as male simply because they were buried with their swords and shields. By studying osteological signs of gender within the bones themselves, researchers discovered that approximately half of the remains were actually female warriors, given a proper burial with their weapons."
For people who are actually interested in how viking music might have sounded, “Drømde mik en drøm i nat" (/I dreamt a dream last night) is the earliest music (and lyrics) known in Scandinavia preserved on the last page of the (~1200-1300) Codex Runicus as rune notes.
The song and melody is still known and used today in most of Scandinavia, as a sort of folk-standard. This version, deceivinglyslow in the beginning, is presented as close to the original sound of the years 900-1000 as historians think they can come.
This song might have survived because it was a gigantic hit, like the viking’s very own “Billie Jean”. A total pop slayer that stayed around long enough for music notes to be invented.